Anonymous questions about sex work and most

anything else...Answered by a veteran

of both the sex trade and military life.

Q: In countries where sex work is legal, do brothels allow time for the sex worker          to  shower and get ready between clients?

And in countries where it is illegal, is it the same? How do prostitutes handle hygiene, like showering, at work?

Edit: Original Question: In countries where sex work is legal, do brothels require the sex worker to shower between clients?

 

A: CherrySoda, Independent Escort. Pro/Am Porn Star. Air Force Veteran. All-around bad girl.

 

As a sex worker, I find this question just as insulting here on Quora, as I do when it is posed by someone who contacts me to inquire about my services.

 

I’ll assume that you’re concerned about the hygiene of sex workers, because you either have never obtained the services of a sex worker, and this is one of the reasons, or you have, and you are now deep in the post-sex with a sex worker guilt/panic stage.

 

First, if you are feeling guilt or panic… Don’t. Worrying will do you no good, or take these feelings away. You will find out in time, if you’re wife found out, or if you have contracted a virus from your chosen sex worker. So, no need to worry… Just sit back and wait. Things such as that find you in good time.

 

If you’re asking because you have never seen a sex worker, I’m sure that I don’t really need to answer your question… but just because it’s you, I will to the best of my knowledge.

 

As far as I know, no matter where you are in the world, I am almost certain that it’s the responsibility of each individual sex worker to set their own standards for hygiene. I’m sure there are probably brothels in the world, where this is internally regulated, but as far as it being a legislated responsibility… I doubt it.

 

Something like that is almost impossible to regulate, and a bit more personal than most Governments are willing to get involved with.All I can comment on is myself, and the girls I know who are sex workers. While not a legislated necessity, we all choose to have high standards of personal hygiene.

 

Not all sex acts require a shower afterwards. Let me ask you this… Do you shower every time you use the bathroom? I didn’t think so. I wash my hands, and brush my teeth, and clean whatever was used. In my eyes, that is sufficient. As I don’t see any clients who do not exhibit the signs of good hygiene, unless actual sexual intercourse occurs, showering is not necessarily a must. I’m sure you just threw up in your mouth a little, upon hearing how filthy I am.

 

My advice to you is this... If you are so concerned about the personal hygiene of sex workers, and if the thought of a sex worker touching you, after they just had light contact with someone else, and did not shower in-between makes you queasy… Don’t see a sex worker. It's really that simple.

 

I think you’ve already made up your mind that we’re far dirtier than you can handle.

 

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About the Author:

CherrySoda

Independent Escort. Pro/Am Porn Star. Air Force Veteran. All-around bad girl.

Veteran of Royal Canadian Air Force

Studied at Canadian Forces School of Aerospace Technology and Engineering

Lives in Victoria, BC

Q: How do independent sex workers find clients?

 

 

A: CherrySoda, Independent Escort. Pro/Am Porn Star. Air Force Veteran. All-around bad girl.

 

There are actually a number of different avenues which an independent sex worker can use to promote both herself and her services. Only about ten years ago, most sex workers were dependent on advertising in the ‘Adult Services’ section of their local newspaper classifieds.

 

This was quite a bit more expensive than today’s many online advertising options. It was also very inconvenient for any sex worker who had insufficient credit to obtain a credit card, as they had to physically go into the newspaper’s sales office to pay for their advertisements. Having to physically go to the newspaper raised a further problem… A complete lack of anonymity. Everyone in the sales office, as well as anyone they chose to tell, knew what you did for work. This must have been very demeaning for many sex workers, and was in no way an ideal situation.

 

Thankfully, there is no longer a need to tell the world you’re a sex worker, every time you want to advertise. As I mentioned, there are now thousands of options available right on your computer, or phone. If you have access to the Internet, you can choose between an almost endless list of both free and paid advertising options.

 

On the paid end of things, one option are the online classified sites. At least in my vicinity, the largest of these is backpage. No one really likes advertising with them, as they have been almost constantly demonized over the past few years for playing a major role in pimping, underage prostitution, as well as human trafficking. Those are things that the vast majority of legitimate independents want nothing to do with, but unfortunately at least for now, that is where the clients are… So that is where you have to be. Ad prices can vary greatly from city to city, and are dependent on the size of that particular area’s market. For example, to either post a new ad, or bump an older ad to the top of the listings here in Victoria, costs only $2CDN, while in Toronto, the cost is $5CDN. However, if you want a highlighted featured ad in the sidebar which runs for an entire week, the Victoria price of $5CDN is an absolute steal, when compared to the $50 price tag faced by Toronto’s sex workers.

 

There are also many other paid online classified sites, but for the most part they seem to be generally ignored by clients, and therefore ignored by sex workers.

 

Another popular paid option for independent escort advertising, is by being a member of an online review board, or forum. These can also sometimes be classified as an option for free advertising, but these ‘free’ forums usually have little regular activity, and a forum membership which is on the low side of few.

 

Becoming a member of an online escort review forum is normally free for everyone except sex workers. Plus, if you post a comment as a provider, while under an unpaid account, the punishment is usually quick, and severe. As many of the ‘high roller’, and ‘regular’ types often frequent these sites, getting yourself banned, or simply not respecting the rules of the forum is considered to be in poor taste, so most providers steer clear of such drama.

 

Any worker can join for free as a silent observer. This however, has finished many brand-new escort careers. Some reviewers like to post very hurtful, mean reviews. These individuals tend to be extra ruthless to girls who are new, and therefore inexperienced. Far too many new girls get drawn into online flame-wars with these instigators, while they’ve never had a paid account… You can likely imagine the outcome.

 

Review forums also have an advertising section where providers with paid accounts may advertise their services. This is the fourth most effective form of advertising in my area, but quite expensive, ranging from $70CAD to $100CAD per month. The added cost is justified through extras like; being able to dispute bad reviews, and even having negative reviews removed, as well as the ability to openly chat with potential clients. There also is a certain amount of prestige and reputation bestowed upon providers who are paid members of these forums. which definitely can be a big boost for a provider who is unproven, because she is brand-new to sex work.

 

I could literally write for days and days, and never cover a quarter of the paid advertising options that are currently available to the independent sex worker. However, the number of paid options available is minuscule when compared to those which offer advertising at no cost. There are new free advertising sites popping up daily, but most are useless, because they are normally only used by clients in select cities, which may be as distant as another continent. Advertising on such sites will normally never represent any gain in clients, and is really just a waste of time.

 

At least in my vicinity, the most profitable place to place free ads is on craigslist. You will undoubtedly receive lots of inquiries, and clients. The problem is however, that the class of the average craigslist client is far lower than that found on backpage. This increases your chances of getting tangled up with a rude, disrespectful, or even dangerous client a great deal. Where this is the last thing any sex worker wants, it is usually the lower-end providers who can be found advertising on craigslist. This poses the same types of safety risks for clients, as some of these ‘providers’ are actually just thieves looking for an easy target to rob, or rip-off in some other manner. The best thing for both providers and for clients alike, is to stay away from the drama which so-often is found on craigslist. Even though it is the third most profitable advertising option, some things are simply much more valuable than a few hundred dollars.

Independent escort websites are another form of promotion which can either be obtained free of charge, for a very basic small website, or for a monthly fee, if the provider wants to have a larger website, featuring more pages, and special features.

 

My website, reachable at either CherrySoda.xxx , or CherrySoda.ca , is Canada’s largest independent escort website. I constructed every last piece of my site, from scratch, and without any outside assistance of any kind. Over a period of a couple months, I spent every free moment I had on it’s construction. Four years have passed since my site was officially launched in late-November 2012, but still, I am the only person who has touched my site, and plan on continuing to provide maintenance, and updates for a long time to come.

 

Besides saving thousands of dollars which I would have to pay a web designer, the main reason I insist on complete control of my site is so that it will remain a completely genuine reflection of who I truly am as a provider. With the site consisting of 22 pages, which contain over 120, 000 of my own words, four separate photo gallery pages, featuring more than 150 photographs, and six XXX video pages, which contain links to my catalogue of more than 60 amateur adult films.

note: This is basically the end of my essay about independent escort advertising. For the remainder of this post, I will engage in a left-partisan rant pertaining to some of my not-so-conventional views on porn, not normally seen through the eyes of someone who actually loves being in the industry, my explanation of why conservatism and right-wing political rhetoric sadly misses the mark when it comes to prostitution, and I attempt to make a case that prostitution is akin to a certain important valve often found in hydraulic and pneumatic systems.

 

My main goal is making sure my videos are a true reflection of reality. I find today’s porn to be terribly unrealistic, and most of the films produced over the past number of years, serve as little more than propaganda films for the promotion, and acceptance of sexual abuse and misogyny. That is not reality.

 

Over the four years I’ve been a sex worker, the upward trend toward sex which is degrading, disrespectful, and even physically damaging to women has steadily increased. This is an issue in which I believe strongly enough, to stand against. I know that I’m basically alone in my fight, as most of the girls in porn are far too agreeable. I’ve made it known that I will not do any scenes which are generally viewed as being degrading… and that includes any acts which degrade men. Like I’ve stated previously, I believe that on a conventional porn set, where everyone is there of their own free will, you can only be exploited, if you allow yourself to be exploited.

 

I’m not knocking anyone who enjoys viewing, or making this type of pornography, I simply think it’s better suited as a fringe/fetish niche genre, rather than the mainstream norm. Ultimately, I couldn’t care less what anyone watches, or produces, and I’m definitely not someone who is in a position to judge anyone, I’m simply standing up for myself, and any other actor, or actress who feels pressured to do things which they wouldn’t do in any other situation. Sex is supposed to be fun, and make you feel good, so when it hurts, and makes you feel weird, or even worse suicidal… then something is terribly wrong. If you try to deny that fact, then you’re either a damned fool, or deep in denial yourself.

Okay, I’m finished. I apologize for getting preachy, but sex is basically my favourite part of life, and porn is slowly destroying it. That sort-of pisses this girl off.

 

My videos have proven to be an excellent form of advertisement for myself, my services, and my place in the adult film industry. My ever-growing audience now consists of thousands of loyal fans, who come from over 150 different nations, worldwide.

 

The success I have enjoyed is due in part to the fact that there is an extremely low number of active full-time escorts who offer the type of videos I do, and regularly release new material at a rate of two to three titles per month. Most sex workers are unwilling to present themselves as a sex worker in the g publicly as I do. This is unfortunate, as the main reason is the shame they feel over their job. Shame which has been projected onto them by conservatism, and right-wing philosophy.

I’d like to ask the conservative right-winger who was just burned and disfigured so badly in an automobile crash that his wife left him, because she could no longer stand the sight of him, just one question…

 

Where does he think he’s going to find the comfort of a woman’s touch now? Where is he ever going to find a woman who will have sex with him, when his own wife couldn’t even be around him, let alone have sex with him?

 

If he had of had his way before he was dealt his horrible fate, then there would be nowhere for him to turn. Luckily for him however, sex workers are a resilient, stubborn bunch of people, who don’t give up easily.

 

We do more good for people who have nobody else to turn to, than 99% of society could ever know. I see a number of physically handicapped, and disfigured clients. I have a disproportionate number of clients who suffer from heartbreaking physical conditions, and injuries because I aim a portion of my advertising in their direction. Trust me, I don’t do it because they’re some ‘lucrative, untapped niche market’. Most of them have little to no money for life’s luxuries, and escorts are definitely a luxury for most people. When I visit a client who truly needs what I offer, I let them pay me whatever they tell me they can afford. No questions asked.

…and it’s never cut-rate service, or even one-second short of a full hour.

 

I regularly see a 29 year-old man who suffers from the horrifically disfiguring final stages of a severe form of muscular dystrophy. When he contacted me three years ago, he was a 26 year-old virgin, who was terrified he would die before getting the chance to experience sex with a woman. He had already over-lived his life-expectancy by two years.

He cannot move any part of his terribly twisted body, other than the negligible amount of movement which remains in his fingers. He loves to draw, and create animation on his computer, but he is finding that increasingly challenging, as he loses the last semblance of movement he will ever experience. For Christmas, I’m going to buy him a type of computer mouse which is controlled by a users eye movements, so he can continue with his art.

 

His story of hope, and survival against all odds, along with the many special times we’ve shared, is what inspired me to reach out to others who are in similar situations. It’s not the wisest thing I could do from an economic viewpoint, but from an emotional, and spiritual viewpoint, I have never experienced anything which brought me more joy, or made me feel more alive than when I see a smile on a face that hasn’t smiled in far, far too long. I don’t know if there is anything more amazing than watching a physically-broken, and emotionally destroyed man, transform into a man who is still physically-broken, but is now surprisingly-positive and hopeful. Such a huge change from something so simple. The power which a simple caring touch from another person commands over an individual’s attitude, and overall outlook on life is something of which I was previously unaware, and of which I am truly astounded.

 

As usual, life cannot be defined using the strict black and white palette of conservative, and right-wing political rhetoric. There is a genuine need for much of what society deems to be ‘shameful’ and ‘immoral’, and while the unfortunate tale of the disfigured conservative I mentioned above is a fictional scenario, that doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened thousands of times, and will continue to happen as long as there is humanity on Earth.

 

Now, I definitely don’t want to confuse anyone into believing I am some kind of Saint, because I am not. I’m not a hooker who exclusively delivers my services as acts of mercy. 98% of my clients are quite able-bodied, young to middle-aged men, who have nothing holding them back from obtaining sex through far more traditional channels. They obtain my services simply because they enjoy having sex which breaks the rules…

 

Or maybe they want to have sex outside their marriage, but don’t want to risk developing feelings, and destroying their marriage..

 

Or maybe they need to blow off some steam with someone who they can be a bit rough with, and hate-f*ck, otherwise they’d end up doing far worse to someone they actually cared about…

 

Whether it’s good, bad, or downright ugly… One of us will answer the call, because we’re dependable like that.

Hookers, escorts, whores, or whatever else you choose to call us, are one of society’s crucial pressure relief valves. Not having us in the system that is society, could pose a threat equally catastrophic to that posed by a large scale hydraulic, or pneumatic system which lacks pressure relief.

 

It eventually will explode, and tear itself apart.

 

-My apologies about that rant, but Quora is basically my pressure relief valve.

Thanks for hearing me out. :)

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About the Author:

CherrySoda

Independent Escort. Pro/Am Porn Star. Air Force Veteran. All-around bad girl.

Veteran of Royal Canadian Air Force

Studied at Canadian Forces School of Aerospace Technology and Engineering

Lives in Victoria, BC

Q: Are high class escorts gold diggers?

 

 

A: CherrySoda, Independent Escort. Pro/Am Porn Star. Air Force Veteran. All-around bad girl.

 

I would have to say no.

 

The reason I am of this opinion, is due to the fact that the relationships shared between clients and their provider are normally very-well defined, with very little left to assumption. The is almost always no chance of romantic feelings, or for any type of future.

 

The ‘relationship’ shared is very temporary in nature, and paid for up-front, with the provider having no expectation of any sort of ongoing future benefits. Even if the client decides to become a regular, each encounter’s compensation is normally handled on a pay-as-you-go basis, where the provider is compensated only for the time she spends in their company.

Escorts and clients simply share a ‘payment for services rendered’ arrangement, which is in no way reflective of the arrangement which is experienced with someone who exhibits the characteristics of a ‘gold-digger’.

 

There is one form of prostitution which, in my opinion qualifies as gold-digging… and that is the realm of the ‘Sugar Baby’.

While I realize many people view this as neither prostitution, nor gold-digging, the simple fact of the matter is, those people are wrong.

 

…at least in my opinion

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About the Author:

CherrySoda

Independent Escort. Pro/Am Porn Star. Air Force Veteran. All-around bad girl.

Veteran of Royal Canadian Air Force

Studied at Canadian Forces School of Aerospace Technology and Engineering

Lives in Victoria, BC

Q: Are porn stars and other sex workers really happy in their lives?

 

 

A: CherrySoda, Independent Escort. Pro/Am Porn Star. Air Force Veteran. All-around bad girl.

 

Where there is a great deal of focus being put of the negative aspects which the porn industry, I feel like there should be at least a bit of a positive counterbalance presented, as I don’t necessarily agree with much of what has been said in the other answers to this question.

 

This question is a very common one here on Quora, which indicates to me that it is a topic which weighs heavily on the minds of many. I hope no one minds if I take the strongest points from my previous answers to this question, or to questions which are extremely similar in their scope to this one, and use them in this answer, as they are extremely relevant.

 

I strongly believe that anyone who gets involved with the porn industry for all of the right reasons, or in other words, because it is something they truly want to do… free of coercion, or doing so out of a sense of desperation, can certainly have a very happy, healthy and fulfilling career, while doing something they find challenging, rewarding and which they truly love.

In order to make this a possibility, a performer must possess a strong set of beliefs and values, while also having the backbone required to stand up and maintain those beliefs.

 

What follows are excerpts from a few previous answers, which I feel are applicable here as well…

Note: my answer applies only to performers who entered the industry of their own free will.

 

Personally speaking, it is a total dream come true for me! I couldn’t love a job any more than I love shooting porn, and escorting. I believe that in order to convey a sense of sincerity, and really ‘sell’ a scene, you must at least ‘like’ your job.

 

I’ve said it before… I truly believe that there is a key to staying happy when working in any facet of the sex industry…

Never do anything you don’t want to do, or feel totally comfortable with. No matter how much extra, or what role is offered. This is the only way to avoid feeling as if you are being exploited. In the end, they’re only offering you money. Few things are more temporary. Your career, could potentially span decades.

 

Those can either be happy decades, or miserable decades… It’s your choice. Only if you possess the strength to say no to big roles, and the big money which come with them. Personal happiness, and a sense of personal integrity are far more rewarding in the end.

 

They may threaten you, saying that ‘it’s this, or nothing…’, but if you’re good at what you do, and have any sort of following, there will be other roles. Losing a bit of work and a little money is a small price to pay, for something as valuable as staying true to yourself. I truly believe, that the vast majority of exploitation which occurs in adult film, could have been avoided, had the individual who was exploited, stood up and refused.

 

I know what I’m saying is much easier said than done… But it’s truly so important.

 

In fact, nothing is more important than your happiness, and self worth. I feel truly blessed that I have been able to enjoy much success as a sex worker, without having to lose the real me, or turn my back on values which I hold dear.

 

It isn’t always easy, but somehow I’m able to keep my chin up, and a big smile on my face everyday. I’m very lucky. I have an amazing life. It is also due to the fact that whether I’m shooting a porn scene, or making a client’s sexual fantasies a reality, I’m not there for the money… I’m there because I love my work, I love sex, and I get a bigger rush from pleasing people, and seeing a smile on a face where there had been a frown only twenty minutes earlier, than I ever have from any drug I’ve ever done.

 

Sex work is something no one should ever enter into because they have to. Desperation is one of the worst reasons of all, but is unfortunately, one of the most common. If you’re in sex work just for the money, trust me, you’ll be happier living on the streets.

 

However, if you’re like me, and you’re in sex work simply because you were made to be a sex worker… Then there is no better job…

 

Now, over four years later, I am living my dream. I can say that I once again love my work… Even more than I did during my time in Yellowknife.

 

I realize those words are not normally used by an independent escort’s critique of her employment situation, but this is what I was made to do. I also had a secondary ambition, which I have also made a reality. I’m also a self-made amateur porn star, with a sizeable international fanbase which spans over 100 countries.

 

Life has turned out to be much more than I could have ever envisioned fifteen years ago. While I have many great memories from my time in the Air Force, I have never once regretted my decision to leave, to follow my dreams.

In fact, I feel it was the best decision that I have ever made.

 

I’d be lying if I were to tell you that I don’t enjoy the sex I have while the cameras are rolling. Yes, it’s work… but really only in the way that I’m being paid for it. As far as seeing it as something which is ‘hard’, or something I’d rather not be doing… Not in the least… Feelings like that are reserved for ‘real jobs’.

 

I know that I am in the minority when it comes to how much I enjoy my work, but I am admittedly quite a sex freak. Not freaky as in kinky… I’m actually the most vanilla sex worker that I know of. I’m more the type of sex freak who’s a sex addict, but doesn’t see it as being an issue whatsoever.

 

I love every dimension of my work, and I am committed to making every project I’m involved with be as genuine as possible, and having real orgasms is, in my opinion, a very large part of that.

 

Having sex in front of the cameras, with someone who you barely know, or don’t know at all, has a very slutty element to it. I have always derived an intense sexual energy from being a slut, and doing slutty things. It turns me on.. a lot. Some of the girls with whom I am close, call me ‘Slut’. I’m far from the ‘dirtiest’ girl around… My list of things I’m unwilling to do in films is much longer than most. The reason they call me Slut, is because I truly love every part of my work. Everyone says that I have an uncommon enthusiasm, rarely seen in sex workers.

 

I honestly believe the fact that I am still ecstatic about being an escort, and an adult actress, can be attributed much more to the things I haven’t done, than those which I have. When I started escorting almost five years ago, I set hard guidelines for myself. contained in those guidelines were particular sex acts, which I consider demeaning to women. I also promised myself that no matter how bad I wanted to buy something, or heaven forbid, how broke I was, I would never see a client I am not 100% okay with, or compromise my principles in any way.

…and I’m very proud to say that I never have!

 

I’m a firm believer that many girls start out in sex work for the right reasons, and are happy with their career choice. The hatred of self and career usually develops not long after. Clients, as an escort, and those who produce porn, as an actress always want something more than you’re willing to give. They push, and can be relentless.

 

Most girls give in… Either as a result of caving to the pressure, or because they were offered more money than they could refuse. That is what changes people. That is the reason girls feel they’re exploited. I know that it isn’t always avoidable, but in the vast majority of situations, if you don’t allow yourself to be exploited… You won’t be exploited. Period.

 

I want to work in the sex industry until my fans and clients no longer want me to work… They will be my retirement indicator. But I only want to be in sex work, if I love what I’m doing. Only by being strong, staying true to myself, and never letting anyone pressure, manipulate, or force me into doing something I don’t want to do.

 

Most guys know that I can’t be bought, so they don’t even try.

 

Early in my career, I had a client lay $7,500 out on a table in front of me, and tell me that it was mine, if I would just overlook my requirement for him to wear a condom while we had sex. He made my decision very simple…

 

Who in the hell did he think he was? How unfair is it to put anyone in a position like that? I was enraged. I swept the money off the table, and all over the floor. I turned and stormed out of the room. once he realized I wasn’t fooling around he came running after me, but couldn’t reach the elevator before the doors closed. I felt better at that moment than I think I have ever felt…

 

At that moment, I knew exactly how strong my resolve actually was, and that I was going to be okay… No matter what was thrown my way.

 

I think that sums up why I orgasm pretty much every time I work, while the vast majority of girls do not. I’m comfortable. I don’t feel exploited, because I don’t allow myself to be exploited. The last thing I want, is to start having sex work feel like work.

 

To me, it’s more of a passion than it is a job… and it’s totally up to me to ensure that it stays that way. That is the only way I can be sure that, whether it’s during filming, or with one of my clients while I’m escorting, I’m just as likely to climax as they are... In fact, probably more.

 

Sorry for going off on a little tangent there, but those who read my stuff know that’s the way I write… off-the-cuff, and whatever comes into my head. My approach to writing, is similar to the manner in which I approach sex work… I like to keep things genuine.

 

I sincerely hope that I have shown that there also exists a positive side to sex work, especially that which occurs within the porn industry. While I readily admit that my story serves more often as the exception, than the rule, I am certainly not the only happy girl in porn today.

 

There is one common trait which can be found in every happy adult film performer I know…

 

They have a complete grasp of where their boundaries lie, and possess an unbreakable resolve whenever those boundaries are pushed, challenged, or questioned in any manner, by anyone. Like I stated, on a porn set where all participant’s presence is of their own free will, it is basically impossible to be exploited, unless a performer allows themselves to be exploited. You can blame the industry for applying pressure in the many ways they do…

 

But it’s worked a million times before. Of course they will try to get what they want… Just like a child in a store applies pressure on their parents in the form of an embarrassing tantrum in hopes they will be offered the toy they desire, in return for their silence. We call parents who succumb to such tactics as ‘weak’, or that they are ‘ruining the child’.

 

Who knows…? Maybe that child is going to grow up to be a director of adult films.

 

We master the art of exploitation very young… but if the exploiter is never rewarded, eventually this behaviour will cease, or at least slow down a great deal.

 

I realize my opinion is not always popular with many people, but that doesn't mean I’m not correct. Actresses, and actors who are exploited in adult film, are just like the parents who gave into their screaming child, by rewarding his terrible behaviour with a new toy.

 

They're weak.

 

Maybe it's time to be a little less politically-correct.

 

Maybe it's time to be honest, and call things for what they truly are…

 

These ‘exploited’ performers are ‘trapped’ in an imaginary prison, which is nothing more than a manifestation of their own personal greed, fabricated need for fame and celebrity, overinflated ego, and intense fear of change.

 

The majority of the ‘victims’ of the porn industry, are actually only victims of their own shortcomings. Once they open their eyes, own the majority role which they played in their own exploitation, and learn to stand up, and say, ‘No’… They will stop with the complaining, excuses, and false accusations.

 

Be real, folks… The adult industry is no place for blinders, or rose-colored glasses.

 

Please remember: My answer applies only to performers who entered the industry of their own free will. In no way is my opinion directed toward the victims of true coercion, blackmail, trafficking, or any other deplorable method used to force an individual to perform against their will.

 

Those tremendously unfortunate souls have only my deepest respect, as well as my hopes that one day, they may find a place their heart and soul can once again find true peace, love, and a place that truly feels like home.

 

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About the Author:

CherrySoda

Independent Escort. Pro/Am Porn Star. Air Force Veteran. All-around bad girl.

Veteran of Royal Canadian Air Force

Studied at Canadian Forces School of Aerospace Technology and Engineering

Lives in Victoria, BC

Q: Sex workers see a lot of people. Have you slept with a celebrity?

 

A: CherrySoda, Independent Escort. Pro/Am Porn Star. Air Force Veteran. All-around bad girl.

Yes. I have been hired by, and had sex with two celebrities. One mega-celebrity, and one who was just regular athlete famous.

 

The first was an extremely famous musician, who enjoyed his biggest success in the late-sixties, and seventies. He performed at Woodstock, and was a big enough deal that he is featured for over ten minutes in the official Woodstock documentary film which I’m sure everyone has seen.

 

I would have to describe the whole experience as pretty good, overall. Things got off a bit rocky, as my first impression of him was that he perfectly embodied a pompous and arrogant prick, well past his prime. Still trying to act like a big rock star, he wore his muddy work boots right into my place, as I guess he felt it was okay to not take them off. He proceeded to track mud across the floor grinding it into a very nice area rug, in my very nice studio condo.

 

I thought of kicking him out, but decided instead to grab some carpet cleaner, and the scrub brush from under my kitchen sink. I told him that if he wanted to stay, that he’d have to get the mud out of my area rug. To my surprise, he actually got down on his hands and knees, and scrubbed the rug until it was clean.

 

We proceeded to have fifteen minutes of lacklustre sex, followed by him telling me some pretty interesting private stories about Mick Jagger, Keith Moon, and Steven Tyler.

 

When his time was up and he was leaving, he put his muddy boots back on, apologized for making a mess, and pulled two hundred-dollar bills out of his pocket. He handed them to me, and said that he ‘admired my spunk’, for standing up to him over his muddy boots, and that he ‘hoped I would never let this job change (me)’ because I was ‘perfect exactly as (I) was’…and that is what the two-hundred dollar tip was for.

 

So, in the end, he turned out to be a pretty sweet guy, once he realized that I didn’t care who he was, I wasn’t going to let him disrespect neither me, nor my home. Plus… He had some pretty cool stories, and some damn cool friends.

 

The second celebrity I’ve slept with, was a professional hockey player. He played in the National Hockey League, with the Edmonton Oilers. This was much more of a thrill for me, as I am a big Oilers fan, and recognized him right away, as soon as I opened my door.

 

Being the laid-back, and classy girl that I am, I acted like I had no idea who he was, until he brought up hockey. I hate ever looking as though I don’t know something, so at that point I had to tell him that I knew who he was. I acted like it was no big deal, to ensure that he wouldn’t try to do anything stupid, like use his fame to try and leverage a discount, or free session out of me.

 

He was in very, very good shape, and fucked me extremely well… So good, that I didn’t even notice that he’d gone forty-minutes over the time for which he had paid me. I didn’t really mind, but still told him we had to stop, because rules were rules, after all…

 

He seemed to be kind of cheap, and didn’t tip me one cent, even though he said he had a fantastic time, and that I had some of the best skills he’d experienced in a very long time.

 

A couple of weeks later, I had a session with one of my long-time regular clients. He was also a professional hockey player. He has been retired a few years, but he'd spent time playing in the NHL, and in a couple of European professional leagues.

 

While we were talking, he mentioned that his brother had recently visited him, and that he was very proud of how well he was doing in Edmonton, and how he wished he was ‘the type to visit escorts’, because he would have sent him to see me!

I simply giggled, and said that I also wished he was that type, because I would have loved to have had the chance to meet him.

 

Oh, how little most of us know about our relatives…

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About the Author:

CherrySoda

Independent Escort. Pro/Am Porn Star. Air Force Veteran. All-around bad girl.

Veteran of Royal Canadian Air Force

Studied at Canadian Forces School of Aerospace Technology and Engineering

Lives in Victoria, BC

Q: Are pornstars who do extreme scenes being exploited?

I often see some actresses always doing extreme scenes involving multiple guys, deep throat and anal licking. Do they really enjoy it or are they being exploited? I suspect many of them do heavy drug abuse.

 

A: CherrySoda, Independent Escort. Pro/Am Porn Star. Air Force Veteran. All-around bad girl.

Personally speaking, I know that I would definitely feel as though I was being exploited if I were to be involved in a project where I was required to perform extreme sex acts of the type which I feel are degrading in nature. As a result, I would absolutely refuse to appear in any film which includes such acts.
 

In fact, I have a list of restricted sexual acts which dictates which clients I will see as a sex worker. I find these acts to be of a degrading nature, not only to women, but to anyone who participates in them. I am not judging anyone who chooses to participate in any of these acts, nor do I think of any of them as being wrong, or immoral, I simply find them to be personally degrading.
 

I strive to ensure that the films which I produce, reflect my own values and beliefs. In both my personal life, and in sex work, I only engage in sexual activity which is based in mutual respect. Many people over the span of my adult life have referred to me as ‘vanilla’ and/or ‘boring’, prior to our sharing of sexual relations. However, I’ve yet to have anyone refer to my sexuality that way after they’ve experienced all I have to offer…
 

Vanilla? Maybe a bit…
Boring? Not on your life.

 

A personal lust for degradation is not the message I wish to send to my fans, about the type of person I am, and my own set of ethics and values. I know that many people get off on being degraded, and God bless them, I admire their spunk, and ability to rise above society’s restrictive view of what is ‘proper’. But, just like they get off on being degraded, I get my biggest thrills (and biggest orgasms) from gentlemanly behaviour, and being respected.
 

As I mentioned, I have a list of sexual acts in which I refuse to participate;
* acts involving BDSM/pain/violence (bondage, humiliation, sub/dom, etc.)
* any acts involving human waste (golden showers, scat, etc.)
* oral scenes involving deepthroat, or face fucking

 

Like I have stated in some of my other answers, I have a strong belief that the only way that a person can be exploited in an adult film, in which their participation is voluntary, and not forced or coerced, is if they allow themselves to be exploited.
It’s pretty simple. If a certain scene gives you a bad feeling beforehand… Don’t do it. If you start a scene you felt you would be alright with, but it turns out you are not… Stop the scene. Unfortunately, as with nearly everything in life, doing what is right for you may end up costing you dearly in the end.

 

Refusing to participate in certain sexual acts, can slow or even derail a porn performer’s career. Such actions can be viewed as uncooperative, entitled, and disruptive. You may get blacklisted by certain directors, producers, and even studios. This can cause a performer to lose hundreds of thousands of dollars or more, over their career.
 

So… With so much to lose, is it really worth it to take a stand?
 

In my opinion… Totally. I’ve also mentioned in some of my other answers, there exists an uncommonly high percentage of adult film performers who don’t just hate what they do, they despise it. As a result, almost all of these individuals are not just what i would call unhappy, they are miserable. The rate of depression, severe substance abuse, and even suicide amongst this group is many times higher than average.
 

Most people are completely shocked to see a sex worker with nearly five years experience, still be in love with their work. I suppose that I am a bit of an anomaly, and my experience is anything but typical. I owe it all to my refusal to be swayed by financial gain, and refusing to allow myself to be exploited. Sure, I have lost tens of thousands dollars worth in missed opportunities due to my stubborn resolve… but I’m happy, and to me there is nothing else as important.
 

I really think that the key is finding a balance which works for you. I have a hard-set rule. I will not do anything in sex work that I would not do if I were not receiving financial compensation. In other words, I do not do anything, just because someone is paying me for my time.
 

"But, I thought that porn stars and escorts were paid to perform sexual favours they don’t really want to do, for people they don’t really want to do them with?"


All too often, that is an accurate assumption. However, there are exceptions to basically every rule which has ever been written, and I stand as a proud exception in this case.
 

I refuse to allow anyone to provide me financial compensation for any sexual service. Period. That is prostitution*.

 

Everything I’ve ever done sexually with either a client, in an escort capacity, or while filming, I’ve been sincerely happy to do, and have never done ‘for the money’. However, during the time I spend with a client, I could be somewhere else, doing something else, with people I would probably rather be around.
 

My life is a very busy affair. Filled with responsibilities, both big and small. Like everyone, I have to divide my time between my friends and family, my housework, a seemingly never-ending condo renovation, my cat, and, of course, the scourge of every independent escort… Laundry. Laundry. Laundry.
 

I cannot find enough time in my crazy life for all of those things as it is… So, anytime someone wants me to spend some of my precious time with them, doing something they need me to do… They are going to pay me. I’m a busy girl!
 

As for the great sexual experience** we will share during that time… Absolutely no charge whatsoever, as there is nothing else I’d rather have done.
 

* I have no problem with the word prostitution itself, and in fact consider myself to be a prostitute. What I do take issue with, is the negative connotation so many place on the word. It’s modern-day use, as a description of a job, or task that someone hates, but does for money, simply does not apply in my case. I truly could not be happier doing anything else.
I consider the last year I served in the military, where I no longer enjoyed my job, much closer to prostitution than the definition-proper ‘prostitution’ of sex work.

 

**Includes all sexual activities which do not appear on my list of restrictions, with the unavailability of said restrictions being absolute, and non-negotiable, at any price.

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About the Author:

CherrySoda

Independent Escort. Pro/Am Porn Star. Air Force Veteran. All-around bad girl.

Veteran of Royal Canadian Air Force

Studied at Canadian Forces School of Aerospace Technology and Engineering

Lives in Victoria, BC

Q: What are the possible underlying psychological issues in a               person who wants to engage in sexual intercourse with                        countless people, like in the case of a prostitute or pornstar?

 

A: CherrySoda, Independent Escort. Pro/Am Porn Star. Air Force Veteran. All-around bad girl.

 

At the basic level, it’s nothing more than confirmation that you are, in fact, human.

 

Society’s sadly outdated view of human sexuality, along with the age-old opinion of the religious community that sex should be shrouded in shame, are only two factors which promote stereotypical myths such as "all promiscuous people must be mentally unstable".

 

I guess you’re right. It’s wrong of people to want to live their lives in a manner which they see fit, and which makes them happy. Even if you're a person who believes in following every last rule set by the moral majority, how do you believe simply having sex with a large number of different partners serves to somehow guarantee that someone is suffering with undiagnosed psychological issues.

 

I am an independent escort, as well as a self-made amateur porn star. I have worked as an escort for nearly five years, and have been doing porn for about two years. I love my work, and have always had a very open, and honest relationship with both myself and my partners when it comes to sex. I was not raised in a manner which made sex a shameful thing. I was raised to believe that I was a sexual being, and that any sex which is completely consensual, is good sex… and therefore should be celebrated.

I’m not quite sure where my fellow commenter picked-up the idea that the more sexual partners one has over their lifetime, the less connected they will be with those with whom they engage in sexual activity. While I am unaware of the exact number of sexual partners I have had over my lifetime, I would estimate my pre-escort total at approximately 1500, and since becoming an escort, nearly 4000 more.

 

…and guess what?

 

Anytime I've been in a relationship, and have engaged in sex with my partner, I still got the same rush as I did our first time.

 

I’m very happy, outgoing, and well-rounded. I wake-up smiling everyday. I’m not slowly going mad, due to the untreated syphilis infection I’ve had for years… In fact, I’ve never had an STI in my life. Safe sex does exist, you know?

 

My self-worth is extremely high and it is, in no way dependent on me having sex with many different partners. I love myself. My family loves me. My friends love me… that’s all the validation I need.

 

Over my life, I have had sex for two reasons:

-because I enjoy it an immense amount 

-for my work. (yes, I enjoy my work sex as well)

 

‘Anonymous’ obviously has a shame-based attitude toward sex, and believes the many lies we were told as children and throughout our lives, concerning what exactly constitutes ‘healthy sexual behaviour’. The truth is that there is no set values of right and wrong here… It is slightly different for every person. To each their own.

…and to the person who originally asked the question, even a girl who is a hooker, a porn actress, and has had nearly 5500 sexual partners over her lifetime can be doing all of those things, simply because she wants to do them.

 

No underlying psychological issues necessary.

 

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About the Author:

CherrySoda

Independent Escort. Pro/Am Porn Star. Air Force Veteran. All-around bad girl.

Veteran of Royal Canadian Air Force

Studied at Canadian Forces School of Aerospace Technology and Engineering

Lives in Victoria, BC

Q: Are exploited porn stars and sex workers actually happy?

 

 

A: CherrySoda, Independent Escort. Pro/Am Porn Star. Air Force Veteran. All-around bad girl.

 

As there is a great deal of focus being placed on negative aspects within the porn industry, I feel like there should be at least a bit of a positive counterbalance presented, especially where I don't necessarily agree with much of what has been said in the other answers which have been offered by my fellow users. 

It is my strong belief that anyone who gets involved with sex work for the right reasons, or in other words, because their choice is reflective of their true ambitions, and not a result of any form of coercion, or sense of desperation, can certainly enjoy a very happy, healthy, and fulfilling career. And do so while working at a job they find to be positively challenging, rewarding, and something they truly love doing.

In order to make this possible, it is essential for every performer to have clearly defined limits, or personal boundaries. Equally important however, is having the backbone required to speak up and maintain those limits anytime they are challenged.. In any manner, and by anyone.

Personally speaking, sex work has proven to be the perfect career for me. I seriously doubt I could ever find a job I enjoy as much. I believe that in order to convey a sense of sincerity, and really ‘sell’ a scene, or provide a client with an experience which is truly memorable, a sex worker must, at a minimum, "like" her job.

I’ve said it before… I truly believe that there is a universal key to staying happy when working in any facet of the sex industry…

Never do anything you don’t want to do, or with which you're not totally comfortable. Regardless of added compensation, or your perceived importance of the role being offered. This is the only way one can expect to avoid feelings of exploitation. In the end, they’re only offering you a little extra money. Few things are more temporary or insignificant. Your career could potentially span decades. Those decades can either be happy or they can be miserable. It’s your choice. 

Only if you possess the strength to say no to roles which require you to go beyond your personal boundaries and to clients who continuously push the limits of those same boundaries, will you enjoy a life in sex work. One's happiness, and sense of personal integrity represent a far more meaningful and lasting reward than a small pittance of money ever will. 

If you are a person who disagrees with my last statement, then I'm sorry, but sex work probably isn't a good fit for you. I say that because individuals who value financial gain over their own happiness and integrity are normally willing to extend themselves, often well beyond their comfort zone anytime an opportunity to earn some extra money arises. While this may seem manageable at first, it rarely remains that way. 

Once clients or directors realize a sex worker is open to performing sex acts which are extreme or demeaning in nature, they will keep upping the ante... Knowing if you refuse, they'll be able to convince you to overlook your concerns, simply by raising the amount of compensation you will receive. It becomes a game of ever-increasing demands, which all too-often ends once a girl feels overwhelmed, burnt-out and exploited. Many girls who hit this low point, simply walk away from sex work... ending what may have been a long, satisfying career.

Directors may threaten you, saying ‘It’s this, or nothing!’, but if you’re good at what you do, and have any sort of following, there will be other roles. You will definitely lose some undesirable clients. However, isn't losing a bit of work and a little money a small price to pay, for something as valuable as staying true to your values? I firmly believe that many of the inexcusable acts of exploitation which have occurred in adult film could have been avoided, had the individuals who feel they were exploited, had have just spoke up and refused to cooperate.

I realize what I’m saying is much easier said than done, and that many exploitative situations also feature an element of threatening intimidation, but it is truly so important to stand up against these monsters who have a record of repeatedly exploiting sex workers... Because, I truly feel that sex workers speaking up, and refusing to allow any form of exploitation to occur, represents the best shot we have at eliminating this heinous behaviour completely. 

Please remember, as I mentioned previously, I am not speaking to any individual who faced coercion, only to those who's actions were completely of their own free will.

Nothing is more important than your happiness and self worth, especially when your job is as personal and intimate as sex work. I feel truly blessed that I have been able to enjoy the success I have, without losing myself in the process, or feeling I had no other choice, but to turn my back on the personal values which I view as important, and which comprise a large part of who I am as a person..

Anytime I'm feeling a little down, like in the extremely rare case I've had a difficult client, I just try and remember how lucky I am. I have an amazing life, and an incredible support group, consisting of many close friends and my family. Another essential element in my uncommon level of contentment with my career, is the fact that whether I’m shooting a scene, making a client’s sexual fantasies a reality, or both, I’m not there just for the money… I’m also there because I love my work, I love the intimacy, and because I love pleasing others. Putting a smile on a face where there had previously been a frown, gives me a bigger rush than any drug ever could.

Sex work is also not a career one should enter when viewed as a last option. Desperation is one of the worst reasons for entering sex work but unfortunately, is the most common. If you’re in sex work simply because you desperately need the money, you’d be better off maintaining your dignity and living on the streets. However, if you’re like me, and you’re in sex work simply because you were born for sex work… There truly is no better job.

I realize such words are not normally used by an independent escort’s critique of her employment situation, but precious few are ever given the opportunity to work in a field for which they feel they are a perfect fit. The fact I've also been able to fulfill another long-time personal ambition, in becoming a successful, self-made amateur porn star, is icing on the cake. I don't know if I will ever become accustomed to the surreal feeling which comes having tens-of-thousands of fans and admirers located the world over, but I'll do my best... and I'm definitely not complaining!

Life has turned out to be much more than I could have ever envisioned fifteen years ago. While I have many great memories from the ten years I served in the Air Force, I have never once regretted my decision to leave. My release allowed me to follow my rather uncommon dreams. For this reason alone, I feel it was the best decision that I have ever made.

I’d be lying if I were to tell you that I don’t enjoy the sex I have with my clients. Yes, it’s work… but really only in the way that I’m being financially compensated. As far as seeing it as something which is ‘hard’, or something I’d rather not be doing? Not in the least… Feelings like that are reserved for ‘real jobs’.

I know that I am in the minority when it comes to the level of enjoyment I receive from my work, but I am admittedly a sex addict... A sex addict, living free of any of the usual negative feelings or connotation most associate with such a categorization.

Still, I’m a far cry from the ‘dirtiest’ girl around. My list of things I refuse to do in films and with my clients is longer than most. I'm definitely not what most would consider kinky, and being completely honest, I am the most vanilla sex worker I know.

The fact I am still excited about my choice to become an escort and amateur performer, is something which can be attributed much more to the things I haven’t done, than to those which I have. When I started escorting over six years ago, I set hard guidelines for myself. A major component of those guidelines, was to restrict particular sex acts which I consider demeaning to women. I also promised myself to never agree to see any client with whom I was not 100% comfortable.

…and I can proudly state that, at least up until this point, I have not broken that promise.

I’m a firm believer that many girls start out in sex work for the right reasons, and are at least initially happy with their career choice. The unfortunate pitfalls of self loathing and regret over their choices, usually begin to develop not long after. Outdated societal stereotypes are directly responsible for destroying the psyche of more sex workers than most are aware. Add to that, the unwanted pressure to preform acts which lie outside of a girl's comfort zone from clients or producers... prove to be more than a girl can handle, causing many sex workers to break. The individuals perpetrating this negativity often just push and push... and their pressure can be relentless.

This pressure causes many girls to give up, and give in… Either a direct result of caving under the intense pressure, or because they were offered more money than they could refuse. This can cause girls to grow resentful and harbour feelings of disdain for both their clients and their work, a process which can sometimes manifest into feelings of exploitation. I know that it isn’t always avoidable but as I previously mentioned, in situations where a girl is free to exercise free will, and she refuses to allow herself to be exploited… She cannot be exploited. It's really that simple.

Most guys know that I can’t be bought, so they don’t even try. I’ve had a client lay $7,500 out on a table in front of me, and tell me that if I would simply overlook my requirement for him to wear a condom during sex, all of it was mine.

He made my decision very simple…

Who in the hell did he think he was?
How unfair is it to put anyone in a position like that?

I was enraged. I swept the money onto the floor and stormed out of the room. Once he realized I wasn’t fooling around, he came running after me, but was unable to reach the elevator in time. As the doors closed, I saw defeat and desperation in his eyes. I felt stronger, and more at peace during that moment than at any other point in my life. Because at that very second, I knew just how strong my resolve actually could be, and that I was going to be okay… No matter what I might have thrown my way.

It drives me crazy anytime I hear the phrase, "selling your body". Even feminists spout this nonsensical notion. I mean, what sex worker has ever not left a call with her body? I suppose you could say that we rent access to our bodies, much like an amusement park grants it's patrons access to it grounds and facilities. However, to somehow imply that we sell anything more than our time and services is nothing more than sensationalized rhetoric... Rhetoric which carries a dangerous message...

Anytime a person straight-out sells you something, it becomes yours and you're basically free to treat it any way you wish. However, anytime you rent something, or hire someone to perform a service for you, there are rules pertaining to the use of that item, or the manner in which you treat a person performing a service. It may seem like only words, but words help form our perception of different situations. Sex work is dangerous enough, so let's try and move away from the notion that sex work involves the sale of anything but our time... because it certainly does not. 

To me, my work is more of a passion than a job… and the responsibility to ensure that it stays that way, lies completely in my hands, as it does with all sex workers lucky enough to have total control over every decision she must make. 

Sorry for getting a bit ranty there, but those who read my posts know I write off-the-cuff, conveying whatever comes into my head. I suppose I would compare my approach to writing, to the manner in which I approach sex work…

I like to keep things genuine.



Getting back to the current environment within the adult industry... 

You can blame the industry for applying pressure in the many ways they do if you wish, but please try to remember...

It’s worked a million times before. 

Of course they will try to push performers beyond their limits to get what they want, The industry has always been controlled by a male dominated hierarchy, built on a foundation of pure misogyny. Those in control will fight as long as they're able to repel any sort of meaningful change. 

A child in a store exploits a parent's embarrassment by applying pressure on the parent by throwing a tantrum, in the hope that the parent will offer a toy in return for their silence. We regularly refer to parents who succumb to such tactics as ‘weak’, or say they are ‘ruining the child’.

Who knows? Maybe that child will grow up to be an adult film director.

Most of us master the fine art of exploitation very young. If however, the attempts to exploit are never rewarded, a child will view them as being fruitless, and eventually abandon them altogether. In today's adult industry, those in control are essentially the screaming child, while performers unfortunately find themselves relegated to the more difficult role of the parent. Therefore, this places the burden of driving change, firmly in the hands of performers. 

In any other industry, this certainly would not be the case. Government regulations would be in place to protect performers, and there would be a rigid legal framework to deal with those accused of abuse and exploitation. But, because the adult industry dances on the thin line which exists between the free and black markets, and is so entwined with the touchy subject of morality, governments tend to shy away from applying any sort of regulatory control over the manner in which the adult industry conducts its business, preferring to basically ignore its very existence. 

I realize that this is an opinion which is not popular with many people. That doesn't mean I’m not correct. Actresses, and actors who are exploited in adult film, are much like the parents who give into their screaming child, ultimately reinforcing his terrible behaviour with a new toy.

They're weak.

Maybe it's time to be a little less politically-correct.
Maybe it's time to be honest, and try calling things for what they truly are.

These ‘exploited’ performers are ‘trapped’ in an imaginary prison, which is nothing more than a manifestation of their own personal greed, overinflated ego, and fear of change. Many who claim they were ‘victimized’ by the porn industry, are actually only victims of their own personal shortcomings, and failure to speak up. 

Not until these individuals open their eyes, own the role they played in their own exploitation and finally learn to stand up and say no… will the age-old practice of performer exploitation ever come to an end.



Please remember: My answer applies only to performers who entered the industry, and make decisions of their own free will, and not to any sex worker who faced coercion to either enter the adult industry, or to perform any sexual act against their will. In no way is my opinion directed toward the victims of true coercion, blackmail, trafficking, rape or any other deplorable method used to force an individual to perform against their will.

Those tremendously unfortunate souls have nothing but my deepest respect, as well as my hope that one day, they will find themselves at a point where their heart and soul can once again feel true peace and love... in a place that truly feels like home.

 

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About the Author

CherrySoda

Independent Escort. Pro/Am Porn Star. Air Force Veteran. All-around bad girl.

Works at Royal Canadian Air Force

Studied at Candian Forces School of Aerospace Technology and Engineering

Lives in Victoria, BC